Not so good at this everyday thing.

New year's eve tonight. This time last year I drank way too much. Threw up a lot. Today I'll get off work at 4, go eat dinner with my boyfriend, then have a nice lazy night at home since I have work at 8 tomorrow morning. And that's just fine with me.

I got tired of killing myself.

“Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.”
― Charles Bukowski

I forgot to update yesterday, oops. I had thoughts of drinking and they drove me crazy for a few minutes but I found something to busy myself with and it passed thankfully. I guess those will always come and go. Reminded me that I need to stay constant in my recovery and not get complacent with where I'm at.

I got paints, brushes and canvases for Christmas so when I started thinking about alcohol I just went to my room, shut the door and got them out. Hadn't painted since high school, almost 5 years ago and it was really great. I need to practice more but I'm happy with what I got done last night.

I don't know how often I will write in here. Maybe every day, maybe every few days, but at least once a week. I like the idea of holding myself accountable and this is a great way to do that, I think.

Today was good. Saw family, got money, closed at work and stayed sober. Didn't think about drinking. The days that I do are rare and even when it does cross my mind, the thought is fleeting. That is a blessing to me.

The beginning, I suppose.

I'm not good with these. I've had countless journals over the years and I never know how to start. So I guess I'll just write a little about myself.

I am a 22 year old alcoholic and I made this blog so I can write about my recovery. I plan to remain anonymous because there are certain things I'll write about that I'd prefer to not follow me around in real life. I have been sober since November 14, 2011. That's only 42 days but it's the longest I've been sober in over 2 years. I love my sobriety and I never want to return to the life I led before. In 2 years of drinking I got 2 dwis, totaled my car, and got sent to rehab. I think in my short drinking career I used up a whole lifetime of alcohol and I got to a point where I was just tired of it and ready to be done. In the short time I've had sober, I have done a lot of changing. And I hope to meet others and continue to grow.

I work in a deli and am in college working on a bachelor's in business. I have a wonderful family and boyfriend who support my sobriety. I am blessed in many ways.

My blog name and title reference one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost. I love poetry and reading in general. I am very creative and love painting, photography, and all kinds of music. This is probably long enough for now so I'll try to post something tomorrow. Writing is a huge passion of mine but I've never been good at keeping up with any sort of daily journal.